The War of the Rabbitsj

Apologies to anyone interested in poker who reads this blog. This post is not about poker. It’s about RABBITS!

Most of you probably have no idea why I would write about rabbits and are thinking that I’m nuts and you are at least partially correct. If you live in North Las Vegas, however, you know what I’m talking about.

When you come from New York, after having lived most of your life there, when spring arrives (by the way that starts in February here in LV!), you crave color. Spring colors! The best way to satisfy this craving is to plant flowers. That’s what we did in New York anyway – pansies, impatiens, geraniums, begonias, and a slew of other varieties that yield the pinks, yellows, reds, and purples that soothe us and make us feel nurtured and mostly allow us to forget the snow, ice and frigid weather of winter.

BEFORE

For our furry friends in North Las Vegas pansies, impatiens, geraniums, and begonias translate to SALAD! As fast as you can plant any kind of flower, the rabbits proceed to nibble them, clip them, and ultimately devour them. Putting the flowers in pots sometimes helps but if the rabbits are interested enough they will literally jump right into the pots. Fencing of all kinds, decorative fencing, chicken wire, and other barriers seem like an option but unless you are covering the flowers entirely – sides AND top (which actually hides them from view defeating the purpose for which they were planted originally!) – the rabbits will win out. 

AFTER

Right about now you are probably formulating a variety of solutions in your own mind since you feel I am too aggravated, annoyed, and dumb to figure this out myself. Believe me, I have thought of everything.

What about really tall containers, big flower pots that are 3 or 4 feet off the ground? They do work at keeping the rabbits out. They do not work keeping out their partners in crime – the quail army! Back in New York I thought quail were tiny little chicken-like birds that were raised on farms to feed really rich people who like exotic, gamey food just because no one else can afford it. I was wrong! Quail are wild animals that live in North Las Vegas. They live in my neighborhood in droves, or bevies, or flocks, or pods or whatever you call large assemblages of quail.

Quails also like flowers and although they do not soar like eagles or float on wind currents like hawks, they do fly, sort of. They fly high enough to get into those 3 or 4 foot flower pots if there isn’t enough vegetation at ground level for them to forage. Unlike the rabbits who regularly consume buds, petals, stems and leaves, the quail are snippers.

They mostly just snip things (buds, petals, stems, and leaves) off and leave them to rot at the base of the plants.

Sprays, ointments, and other potions that line the shelves of your local garden center reliably kill the plants they are sprayed on in my experience or just turn them brown and icky – bad for the beautiful flowers and bad for the rabbits and quail and still no colors to enjoy.

In spite of all human efforts to defend against these creatures nature’s own solutions are probably the best. So, for every rabbit and quail that demolishes a garden, nature has provided an adequate number of coyotes, owls, and roadrunners. And although this is comforting there seems to be some negative balance at work here (at least where I am concerned) since the predators require their prey to be fat and healthy enough to want to eat and that’s where we humans and our Home Depot purchased flowering plants come in.

Nature! Don’t you love it!

 

The W.S.O.P aka The Wonderful Summer of Poker

First, let me explain the title of this blog post. I am not referring to the WSOP (World Series of Poker) although in about a month that will be starting here in Las Vegas and going on until the end of July. Also, I am not really talking about the summer proper since that does not begin until the third week in June although temperatures here in the valley have been consistently in the 90s all this week in April.

What I do mean by the Wonderful Summer of Poker (W.S.O.P.) is what takes place around town in other poker venues while the WSOP is going on at the Rio.

For most of us local poker players who grind away at local small stakes poker tournaments, the WSOP is a high-priced opportunity to get it on with the guys and gals who play poker for a living. Playing in most WSOP events is like your local softball team taking on the Yankees in Yankee Stadium or on an individual basis like you taking your 19 handicap to Augusta and teeing off with Phil, Tiger, and Sergio. Aside from the “I’m sitting at a table with the great one” celebrity vibe, there really isn’t any good reason to invest a lot of money, play through three or four grueling days of poker, and bust out 200 spots from the money!

But the W.S.O.P. is another story entirely.

A few of the other casinos in town where poker is still an option offer extended opportunities to make a few bucks and feel like you are participating. The buy-ins are mostly reasonable and if you hit a final table and get lucky you just might make enough to enter a $1000 buy-in main event. Otherwise you’ve invested $250 – $500 which isn’t the end of the world or the end of your bankroll.

The big players in this secondary market are Planet Hollywood, the Venetian, the Golden Nugget, the Orleans, Binion’s and Wynn. The Venetian and Wynn have pricier tournaments than the others but the daily events are affordable and you are not likely to encounter the opposing skill levels that you would in the WSOP.

The Venetian’s schedule starts as early as May 14 and runs all the way to July 29, the longest schedule of them all. Planet Hollywood has good choices starting on May 24 and going to July 15. The others are all within that timeframe and the details are available online or on the casino’s websites.

The buy-ins at the Venetian go all the way up to $3500 but there are plenty of $200 and $300 tournaments available. Wynn tops out at $1500 and goes as low as $360 (not including fees). Planet Hollywood has $100 entries all the way up to $2200. The Golden Nugget, Binion’s and the Orleans are bargain basements of low cost tournaments that average about $200.

The Orleans has the most eclectic tournament choices including H.O.R.S.E., Stud, 8 Game Mix, Pot Limit Omaha 8 or Better, and Triple Stud Mix for those who enjoy a mixture of games. All these venues host No Limit Hold ‘em games with a smattering of Omaha games. Most have Senior events (usually limited to 50+ years of age) and some have Ladies events as well.

Expect big fields at the Golden Nugget, the Venetian, and Planet Hollywood and smaller fields at the other venues. I played two senior tournaments at the Golden Nugget last year (buy-ins of $260 each) and one of them had about 800 players!

Recently parking has become an issue on the Strip. Following the lead of MGM and Caesar’s many hotels/casinos now charge patrons for parking. You will be happy to know that the Venetian, the Orleans, Wynn, Planet Hollywood, and the Golden Nugget do NOT. You may have to have a parking stub stamped in the poker room but no fees are assessed for parking. Binion’s, a downtown venue, does charge since parking is at a premium in that area of town.

I am planning on investing (notice I said INVESTING) less than $2500 to play in 8 tournaments from mid-May until the end of July. Included in the mix is one monthly $200 tournament at one of our local casinos, Santa Fe, which usually gets about 60 or 70 players. If I score a substantial win in any of these I will definitely consider entering a higher buy-in event.

My Summer Schedule

If you are in town consider a few of these alternatives to the WSOP. If you are a local, I am sure you are already planning to do so. Good Luck!

Molly’s Game – The Movie

In the last few weeks I have read a dozen reviews of the Aaron Sorkin, Jessica Chastain movie of Molly Bloom’s autobiographical book Molly’s Game. Most, if not all, come to the same conclusions:

1. Great writing – Sorkin

2. Great acting – Chastain

3. Lousy “poker”movie!

The book, which I reviewed on my blog when it first came out (see robcan2017.wordpress.com and search “Molly”) was not a bad poker book. Although the book, like the movie, focuses mainly on the trials (literally at some point!) and ultimate tribulations of the heroine, you do get the feel for the world of illegal, high-stakes, secretive poker, enough so that you feel like you have read a book about poker. The movie, and I guess this is to Sorkin’s credit, is more about the people and much less about the game.

If you like good character based movies, go see it. If watching a movie about poker floats your boat, forget it.

Sleeping in Las Vegas

If you are a Vegan (not the kind that eats only vegetable matter but the kind that resides in Las Vegas) and you play poker AND can manage to find your way around a computer keyboard, then you have probably played poker on-line at WSOP.com. You may not want to admit that but you are among friends here so go on! Confess!! OK, that’s done. Now, let’s proceed.

There are many real money games to choose from on the site and, although the “liquidity” (a fancy word for the number of people available to play) is nowhere near what it used to be in the heyday of crooked poker sites like AbsolutePoker, UltimateBet and Full Tilt, you can usually find a game especially if you like tournaments.

Poker players have a knack for narrowing the field when choosing when, where and what to play so the inclination is always to try to stack the deck as best you can. Most experienced players avoid the $1 all-in fests that encourage (demand might be more apropos here!) wild and crazy play. As the buy-ins increase, the fields tend to evaporate into only those who can afford it and who play well. Fish be gone! Other than that, there are very few ways to increase your odds online through table selection alone. However, there is at least one tournament that limits the participants to a select few – Seniors!

The tournament I am referring to is a $10 entry $500 guaranteed event with unlimited rebuys for an hour or so and an add-on before things get serious. The rules require a player to be 50+ years old for entry. Since WSOP.com obliges you to list your birthday when you enroll, ferreting out the imposters is left to a simple algorithm. If you are not 50 years of age, you can’t get in. The senior tournament I played recently had just under 40 entrants and was paying 8 places with a first prize of $277 and an 8^th place payout of $42 – not bad for a $10 entry, one rebuy, and one add-on for a total of just short of 30 bucks. It started at 6 PM.

Sounds good, right? Buyer beware. This tournament has issues that are not readily apparent.

Have you played poker with seniors before? Have you associated with senior citizens before? Stood behind them on a supermarket line? Tried to drive behind them? Have you attempted getting in to see a movie on senior discount day? In a word, they are slow and WSOP.com has designed this tournament especially for them.

Let’s talk about the tournament structure. I’m no purist. As much as I respect Allen Kessler’s nitpicking (@allenkessler) about levels and blinds, I generally take what I can get and for the most part, especially in live low buy-in tournaments, that means fast paced structures with 20 minute levels that often seem to pass at a blinding pace. Online tournaments are usually a little better, a little slower. Time frames for levels are shorter but the blinds gradually increase. This tournament, however, is too slow even for turtles, desert tortoises, snails, slugs and sloths. Take a look at this structure:

Editor’s Note: After a week or so of trying to get the WSOP.com folks to send me a PDF or WORD version of the structure for this tournament so I could post it here, I am officially giving up. The tech I emailed with was nice enough but he had to get clearance from the higher ups first and that doesn’t seem to be happening. If you are playing the tournament and have the courage to wander around the site while you are, you can find it. Otherwise, you will have to take my word for it. SLOW does not adequately describe the pace of this MTT.

Although the levels only last 10 minutes each, the progress of this tournament from level to level (some levels increase by a mere $10 and $20!) is numbing. It goes on forever. I busted out 12^th of a total of 37 players (no payout, of course) and the clock said it was 10:30 PM. Four and a half hours and the tournament was nowhere close to being over.

Part of the issue is the amount of time older players take to make decisions. WSOP.com gives you about 10 seconds to make a fold/call/raise decision and when that time runs out they generously revert to a “time bank” that gives you another 30 seconds. Most players in this event are using a good deal of the allotted time to act. I nodded off a few times waiting for my turn to play. Thankfully the system has dings and gongs built in when your turn comes around. For me these sounds served as alarm clocks to rouse me from my slumber.

On the other hand, seniors aren’t as nasty and judgmental as players in other online tournaments who, I assume, are minus 50 years of age. In other tournaments you are soundly reprimanded for playing anything less that JJ and beating someone who swears they have a premium hand. The tirades go on and on. In this tournament I was only verbally abused once (I was called a “donk,” short for Donkey for those of you not familiar with the arcane poker lexicon!). I was in the big blind (BB) and was dealt a 72 suited – nice red hearts. No one raised so I played along and caught a very nice heart flush, beating the sore loser who had Aces. He felt, as so many poker purists do, that if you have Aces you ALWAYS are a winner. Right? So he went on a rant which I quickly stunted by “muting” him in my chat window. Rant on. Is someone really abusive if their words are not heard (or read) by anyone? Same issue as that tree falling in the forest. I don’t know and I don’t care at this point.

He is an exception to the rule that senior poker players appear to be mellower than most. I witnessed a hand (I am often a witness to hands having folded my unsuited 4s and 7s along with other terrible cards) that at most tables would have elicited all kinds of missing letter curse words like F**K YOU, and EAT SH*T but not here. A player made a healthy size bet with KK and he was raised all-in by someone to his left. No big deal. Cowboys are kings, literally! The original bettor called the ALL-IN and the computer turned over their hands – KK vs 10 10. The flop, turn and river, which, by the way, come very quickly online and not slowly and dramatically like is often the case in a live game, looked innocent enough: FLOP  2 8 6 rainbow (all different suits). The turn was a Q and the river, you guessed it, was a 10. No comments, no baby crying, no NH (nice hand) or anything. Just two silent seniors – one racking winnings and the other plotting future strategies. Nice!

Another observation. Those of you who play online tournaments know how we all hate (detest, despise, abhor, etc.) the players who “sit out” hand after hand once they have accumulated a nice stack of chips. Then there are those who are “disconnected” which, I suspect is a ruse as well. In this tournament, however, either of those labels may indicate something else, something far more sinister. Remember these are seniors, 50+ year old codgers (remember that 50+ includes sexagenarians, septuagenarians, octogenarians, nonagenarians, and even centenarians!). They may be sleeping. They may be otherwise unconscious. They may be dead. They may have had a stroke or just passed away quietly doing something they really love. Thank god the system, regardless of their lack of consciousness or demise, will credit their winnings to their accounts which will be settled in probate.

By all means, if you are among the 50+ crowd, as I am, look for this tournament (usually at 6 PM about an hour or so after that early bird discount dinner at the local casino buffet) and give it a try. Taking a stimulant of some kind (caffeine pills, Ritalin, illegal controlled speed type substances if you are so inclined) beforehand is highly recommended. You will be there a while staring at a computer screen that barely moves. Whatever you do, avoid settling into your fuzzy jammies and your bunny slippers. If you dare to I promise you too will be asleep by 7:30 PM.

See you at the tables – GameGran

Zach Elwood’s “Exploiting Poker Tells” A Review

Zachary Elwood’s Exploiting Poker Tells (2017) is an exceptional book, one that should not be approached lightly. While it is the culmination of a trilogy of books on poker behavior, the first two being Reading Poker Tells (2012), and Verbal Poker Tells (2014), in complexity and comprehensiveness it stands far above them. It is not a book to be skimmed, browsed through, or savored for enjoyment; it is a book to be studied and referenced. Along with the classic poker strategy books that are part of every serious poker player’s library, it needs to be on your bookshelf if you hope to conquer the psychological and behavioral aspects of the game.

Elwood is a former professional cash game player with a keen interest in the psychological side of the game, a topic given short shrift in most poker strategy books. He has written articles for Poker News, Two Plus Two Magazine and The Freeroll and he also wrote a monthly column for Bluff Magazine when it was still around. Zach’s instructional videos have been well received and he has served as a “behavioral consultant” to WSOP poker professionals and final table participants. All that being said, his work in Exploiting Poker Tells may be his finest.

After a brief introduction, the book is divided into sections that mimic most popular poker games – pre-flop tells, tells after the flop, and tells on the river. Not surprisingly, reads on all three levels have similarities and often huge differences. Inside each section, the author relates and analyzes a number (more than 140) of poker hands, some from his own table experiences and many from noted poker professionals. Throughout the book there are pauses for commentary and analyses from other poker personalities, all of which lend depth and credence to Elwood’s work. Following a short Conclusion there is a challenging final Poker Tells Quiz – a beneficial addition for a book such as this is.

Mr. Elwood is very conscious of pointing out salient beliefs relative to his musings on the poker hands he is analyzing. He chooses to do this via italicized sections that get to the meat of the issue at hand and help focus the reader/player on what is essential to absorb. For example, in the analysis of Hand #26: Caller’s statement contains clues, from a $2-$5 No-Limit Hold ‘em game, the italicized sections drive home the principle that is being stressed, i.e. “. . . when a player says that his hand is ‘garbage,’ it will usually not actually be garbage.”  And “. . . with stronger hands players are typically more focused and therefore more silent. . .  players with decent hands, like pocket pairs, generally don’t like to lie in such direct ways.”

 These italicized gems appear throughout the book and deserve to be bookmarked:

• “Shrugs from bettors are generally going to indicate strength and relaxation”
• “In general, subtle behaviors are more reliable than exaggerated behaviors when it comes to the common weak-behavior-means-strong-hand and strong-behavior-means-weak hand tells.”
• “When bluffing, your average recreational player will choose the lowest amount he thinks will do the job.”
• “Players who flop well don’t like to draw attention to the situation.”

And the list could go on and on. For me, a person who rarely has the patience to follow hand analyses from street to street, these statements are the meat of the book. They make up the driving principles behind the entire “science” of reading and exploiting poker tells.

In the previous paragraph I wrote the word “science” in quotes since reading opponents at a poker table is far from a science. What works one day might not work the next; what is true of one opponent is almost surely not true of another. Making a read and acting on it is a very personal decision arrived at, hopefully, with a great deal of general knowledge and an equal amount of specific knowledge relative to the player in question. That being said we can never hope to always be right and Zach Elwood clearly adheres to that standard. With good reason Zach’s statements are sprinkled with words of warning to those who would take his words as gospel. He uses the words usually, typically, likely, more likely, almost always, may, generally etc. to encourage the reader to be a thinking poker player rather than one who memorizes a commandment and adheres to its principle no matter what.

Playing poker is about all those strategies you read in books by legends like Doyle Brunson and the latest big tournament winner to put his/her words on a page. You need to learn those strategies to be a winner. But, and Zach Elwood makes this abundantly clear, to be the best poker player you can be you must first become an observer of human nature. Without healthy powers of observation you will never notice poker tells at all and forever be one of the many mechanical players who sit at poker tables wondering why they aren’t winning on a regular basis and grumbling about it to our dismay.

Although I have not taken the time to review Zach’s videos, they will very probably appeal to the younger generation of poker player more so than Zach’s books. My own personal observation is that we as a society are changing rapidly from a text based culture to a video/vlog/YouTube oriented culture. On this I make no judgements. However, where I would normally advise poker players who want to get better to purchase this book, read it, put it in their library, and use it as a reference frequently, I will suggest that younger, newer players purchase the videos, watch them, store them on their laptops and use them frequently as a reference.

One modality or the other, you cannot go wrong absorbing Zach Elwood’s advice on reading and exploiting poker tells. Ignore this very important dynamic and Zach’s exploration of it at your peril.

Link to Zach Elwood’s work: Videos, Books, etc.

 

 

Reconnecting!

It’s been a while and a lot has happened while I have been an absentee blogger – just not a lot that I was motivated to write about. Being retired in Las Vegas is a thing to behold. You are never very far away from something to do whether or not you choose to do “normal” things like shop, walk, eat out, exercise, go to a movie, hike, etc. or “Vegas” things like play Bingo, play poker, go to a show, bet on a game or play a slot machine. Bored is not part of a Las Vegan’s vocabulary although at some point in the distant future broke might be!

The single most motivating event that brought me back to my computer to write was totally out of my control and not at all predictable. It goes something like this:

When I first decided to start a blog I investigated different blogging options and settled on using Blogger, an application that, at some point, was enveloped under the huge techno-umbrella of Google. From the outset Google paid little attention, if any, to Blogger and the thousands, I imagine, of writers who chose to put their stuff out there. Blogger isn’t anywhere near the Holy Grail of blog apps but it is free and easy (did I say free? Let me emphasize FREE!!!!). Having to pay hard earned real dollars to put your random and uninteresting, to most people, thoughts online kind of deflates the entire experience. If you are not into glitzy, professional looking web pages with all the do-dads and gimmicks the internet offers, Blogger was a good place to be.

Enter the Apple moguls and their well-thought out (in their minds, anyway) new operating system that started out as iOS 11 and is currently well into the “point” something or others! Aside from all the ironing out that was needed to make their older products (iPhone 7 in my case) work as well as they did before, many older apps no longer work on iPhones and iPads. Apps that developers abandoned long ago as unprofitable or too time consuming to keep up now produce a message upon opening that says, “Blogger (or any other app in this neglected category) Needs to be Updated – The developer of this app needs to update it to work with iOS 11.” That’s it. These apps, of which I have several on my iPhone and iPad, are essentially useless since the “developers” are either dead or do not care to accommodate a megamonster corporation like Apple.

When this blog was on Blogger (the remnants of it are still there!) it garnered most of it’s meager attention from sources other than desktops and laptops, namely phones and tablets. If its few readers can no longer see it from their phones, it’s not much good, is it?

So the search was on again for a home for “Cards, Dice and Wheels of Fortune,” and a few weeks ago it landed right here on WordPress!

For anyone else with a similar dilemma let me say that this new home is wonderful although I haven’t nearly tapped into all the bells and whistles available here. For me the quite easy “migration” process was a blessing especially for a techno-moron like I have become in the wake of every computer innovation that followed Windows 7. Look it up! Google the procedure (Google is not totally useless!)! Read it over a few times and after a click or two all of your Blogger posts will become WordPress posts. And, right now it still costs nothing!

Las Vegas – Becoming a Local

The first week of January, 2017 was our 6 month anniversary as legitimate residents of Las Vegas. We came in the midst of one of the hottest summers in the valley (see my speedometer temperature gauge reading 118 degrees) and so far this winter there has been a lot more rain than I had anticipated. 

Over time that will all even out and, regardless of the variations and proclivities of weather here in the desert, I do not miss the sleet, snow, icy windshields, salted streets and sidewalks and frigid cold of the northeast.    

Yet, becoming a “local” involves a lot more than living in Las Vegas and doing things that Las Vegas residents do. Becoming a local in the poker room is an even more daunting task.

Although the choices of where to play poker in Vegas are not as varied as they were about five or six years ago, there are still plenty of places to play. Add into that mix the stakes you are willing to play and the options narrow further. Big strip casinos like the Bellagio, Aria, the Mirage, and Wynn all have sizeable poker rooms that fill up regularly on weekends with tourists and opportunists. The game of choice is No Limit Hold’em and the many $1/$2 dollar tables and $1/$5 tables with other variations in between attract players willing to buy in for thousands of dollars. Limit tables are far and few between although they can be found in smaller venues like the Flamingo, Monte Carlo, and even Excalibur. The Venetian, once a mecca for poker players, has been seriously impacted by the poker-playing public’s dislike for owner Sheldon Adelson and his vocal trashing of on-line gambling ventures. Some still play there but not with the enthusiasm of a few years ago.

Tournaments abound, both small and moderate stakes, and the Downtown locations, the Golden Nugget in particular, have nice, regular, reasonably staked competitions.

But, to become a “local” one must pick a room and frequent it regularly. For that, and for residents who live in North Las Vegas, away from the frenzy of the Strip, that often means a Station casino.

In the past six months I have played at Red Rock, Green Valley Ranch, and, most often, Santa Fe. These, along with the other Station casinos, offer small stakes Limit games ($2/$4 and $3/$6 primarily) as well as small stakes tournaments at least twice a day. 

Did I mention that, more often than not, becoming a local player takes time and often costs money? Except for weekends and holidays, these off-strip casinos are all locals! The faces that show up for the tournaments are mostly all the same faces; the bodies occupying the chairs around the low limit tables are the same ones that show up every day; those waiting around for the occasional Omaha or No-Limit game are the same payers day in and day out.

The characteristics of local players vary greatly. Contrary to popularly held opinions, they are not all “tight” poker players. On the contrary, some can be very loose. Whatever strategy they have developed over years of playing becomes their poker personality and they project it, win or lose. They all know each other and they all know how the others play. Some have been in Vegas for a few years; some have lived here all their lives. They come from New York, California, the Mid-West, Mexico and Canada. Many are retired but not all. They tend to be right of center politically and care very little about what anyone else thinks of their opinions and views. They are deeply concerned about rakes and fees but generously tip dealers with every winning pot and cocktail waitresses with every drink. They react favorably to any casino perk that increases their edge, be it a high-hand jackpot or a “quad-flopper” promotion. They come and go during the course of the day some arriving by 6 AM, leaving the table for lunch, and returning afterwards. Some pop in from their jobs instead of eating lunch, leaving with a few bucks winnings or depositing their lunch money on someone else’s stack of chips. During the week they tend to be older, more senior citizens and the sight of oxygen tanks and walkers lined up against the wall is common.

They share one characteristic in common – they are known. They are known by each other and they are known by the casino staff: dealers, floor people, managers, waitresses and hosts. If you are known, you are a local. It doesn’t have anything to do with how well or how badly you play poker. It doesn’t have anything to do with buying in for $100 at a time or doling out $20 bill after $20 dollar bill. It doesn’t have anything to do with how you dress or how you talk. If you are known, you are a “local.”  

So, that’s what I have been doing – getting people to know me and it has been going well. A few dealers know my name; a few patrons know and remember me; I feel comfortable and welcome in the poker room. Becoming a regular winner, on the other hand, takes more time but I am working on that too!

Rabbits (Not Bunnies, Just Rabbits)

Coming from a fairly urban environment to North Las Vegas, I never expected to be thrust into a veritable zoo of wildlife. Don’t get me wrong – we have animals in New York, even in the city, and they are rather hearty types.

We have skunks, raccoons, squirrels, pigeons, birds of all types, even some pretty ones, and we have rats! The skunks and raccoons are nocturnal so the chance of running into one of them while walking your dog in the day light is remote. Night walks are another story altogether, especially on evenings before garbage pick-ups. The raccoons and skunks either have very good noses (probably) or are intelligent enough to have learned the days of the week (possibly). Sunday evenings before Monday trash pick-ups were usually the best time for spotting urban game lurking under a parked car or hiding behind a shrub.

A close encounter involves a snarl on one end and a feverish barking Maltese on the other but the stand-off usually results in a draw and the ways of urban nature go undisturbed. Get too close and risk being sprayed or even worse.

Our little house in North Las Vegas is sandwiched between a quiet street of similar (more like EXACTLY THE SAME) houses on one side and a golf course on the other. We tolerate the occasional stray golf ball hitting the side of the house or rolling into our space. Our dogs even put up with the occasional golfer crossing the “Out Of Bounds” line and searching our bushes for a ball (tolerate for dogs equals frantic snarly and incessant barking, by the way). We retrieve the lost, unclaimed balls, especially after a weekend, in the unlikeliest of places. So be it! No big deal.

What we never expected was the number and variety of wild critters that make their homes around our home and neighborhood.

New Yorkers are no strangers to rabbits. They (the rabbits) live in the suburbs twenty minutes or so from the busy streets of the city or closer in enclosures we call “Pet Stores!” We know some people (even relatives) that have or have had a rabbit or two as a pet. They always seemed quite docile and rather motionless inside their too small indoor hutches surrounded by hay and toys they were unlikely to play with. Most of these family pets start out small and skinny but grow fat and ponderous from too much good food and little or no exercise.

Enter the Las Vegas Desert Golf Course Dwelling Jackrabbit!!! I am sure I am at fault for not paying attention to the non-man-eating beasts on the TV nature programs or for by-passing the rabbit houses at the Bronx Zoo deeming them uninteresting and boring as a kid but the creature that lives under a rosemary bush three feet from our patio sliding door is a ferocious looking beast like I have never seen before.

We call him Jack since I am reasonably sure he (she maybe! – if so we apologize for the gender naming mix-up) is a jackrabbit.

To start with he is huge. Not fat mind you. On the contrary, he is sleek and wiry, the very definition of one of those lean, mean prize-fighters with no pronounced muscles to speak of who kick the crap out of anyone who gets in their way. He is tall but that incudes his ears and who wouldn’t since, after his eyes, they are the most pronounced feature of this animal. When he stretches out to wander out onto the golf course for dinner he is longer and taller than either our Maltese or our Shi-Tzu. That’s not saying much but he’s a rabbit after all. If you were expecting warm, furry and cuddly as in “bunny,” Jack’s not your guy. He is every bit as wily as “Wily Coyote.” (By the way, we have those too but that’s a story for another post!).

Most times Jack just sits outside our back door and stares which is easy for him since his eyes are dark, large, and bulging. With a few small modifications by an amateur illustrator he could easily be turned into the Zombie Rabbit of your worst nightmare.

Jack has friends and perhaps even family. Although there are a few other jackrabbits of his size and stature in the neighborhood, most are smaller (maybe children!) and many are different looking which leads me to conclude that in addition to jackrabbits we also have other breeds of rabbits around here. These other rabbits terrify you with their sheer numbers rather than their frightening appearance.

Our complex has set aside a few grassy areas for dog walking, complete with an ample supply of doggy doodie bags for dealing with (well, you know what I mean!). Evening walks, just like back in the city, require a flash light since the green patch at night is covered (that is not an exaggeration) with rabbits that mostly flee when you shine a light on them. It’s creepy to see so many rabbits in the same place at the same time. I have counted thirty at once but I am sure some have already fled by the time I gather enough composure to count.

Some do not flee. These are the bigger ones, not as big as Jack but way bigger than the average rabbit. Their mottled coats tell me they are some kind of hybrid born out of some ungodly union between different breeds of rabbit. Shine a light on them and they do not flinch; walk up to them and they do not move; hiss, “Shoo!” at them and they remain. Only my dog can scatter them with a lunge and a yelp. Good thing they do not lunge back.

These rabbits are grey, brown, beige, black, white or any combination of the above. There is a solid black one of impressive size who has little or no fear of humans and none of little dogs. We avoid him.

Each night we do our business quickly and leave the grass to the rabbits.

I have mentioned the “rabbit issue” to a few neighbors who are willing to speak to a New Yorker. The response is immediate and vehement – they (the rabbits) are hated members of the community and in the best Trumpian spirit they have attempted to have them banned, deported or even exterminated. The local newsletter has contained articles detailing the progress (little, if any) that has been made with the Animal Control people. “Desert animals live in the desert,” the authorities have said and “we are living on their territory.” Not dismayed the anti-rabbit posse has suggested (again very Trump-like) building “rabbit-proof” walls throughout the community. Although it didn’t say so in the article I am sure someone suggested having the rabbits pay for the wall as well!

As a side note our community (55+ as it happens to be and fairly (hugely) conservative) has many election signs posted in front yards. To the dismay of a liberal, soft, mealy-mouthed (their description, not mine) Democrat from the east coast, the Trump signs out front out-number the Hillary signs about 20-1 ( that’s not an average – there are about 20 Trump signs and one lonely but proud Hillary sign). Each time I pass the Hillary sign I beep my car horn in support; each time I pass a Trump sign I wonder if the occupants of that home really do support a megalomaniac, war mongering, bigoted, frightened,  failed entrepreneur from NYC or they just want to get rid of the rabbits!

Miss and Don’t Miss #2

As the days pass (quickly I might add), the things left behind in New York and those that are new to Las Vegas become more pronounced. Anyone who says that NY is better than LV or vice versa is not considering all the facts. Both places have appeal and both places have negatives. In actuality they are not much different although there are plenty who will argue this statement.

Each day wandering around North Las Vegas and its environs I am reminded about those things that I “miss” and “do not miss” about both towns.

Traffic : If you listen to morning “drive-time” radio in Las Vegas you would think that traffic is a nightmare – back-ups moving south on I15, a pile up on the 215, Flamingo Road barely passable. Any and all of these traffic bulletins involve waiting to get where you are going for another 10 minutes maximum.

Since arriving here a little over 3 months ago I have been depending on Google Maps to get me from point A to point B – this kind of navigational guide is a must in Las Vegas for anyone coming here from the east coast since every strip mall looks exactly like every other strip mall and every housing development is chock full of little brown and tan houses all in a row (no distinguishable landmarks, no way points that stand out). Those of you who use Google Maps (and if you do not I recommend it highly over other GPS apps and devices) know that the “smart” part of the program turns heavy traffic roads from yellow to orange to (God forbid!!!) red when traffic is at its worst. Driving around NY you make U-turns over grassy road dividers when you see red! In Las Vegas? Meh!!!! A red road means that there are more than a usual number of cars on the road – not stopped mind you, not moving under the speed limit mind you, but just more than an average number of cars on the road.

For me this is wonderland. I have not been in a traffic jam (a New York style traffic jam) in three months. For those of you unfamiliar with a New York style traffic jam, let me give an illustration.

My wife and I sold our home in New York and decided to forego the all-around stress of taking our two not so well-behaved small but annoying dogs on a plane ride out here. We opted for a closing in the late morning, a quick lunch, and off in the car we would be on a five day jaunt across the country. You’ve heard about the “best-laid plans?” Once we were all in the car, the dogs safely strapped in the back seat since otherwise our Shih-Tzu prefers to lean over the front seat and whine while our Maltese prefers riding shot-gun digging his small, lethal paws into my wife’s legs, we set our minds on the far west. Not so fast. The Mercedes CLA 250 lease we were driving, an otherwise reliable but over-rated car, had been trouble free up until that point when a “warning” light blipped on the dash!!! A quick look in the manual informed us, yes, you guessed it, “bring the car in to the dealership to get this checked out ASAP”. So instead of heading west directly for the George Washington Bridge, we headed east toward the dealership in New Rochelle.

After some begging and suggesting that we weren’t moving the car out of the Service Department entrance until they helped us, they agreed to take a look at it. Unconsciously they hurried up the process as much as possible after we exited the vehicle and sauntered into their posh Waiting Room with our two dogs in tow.

Their fast is not my idea of fast and after almost two hours they informed us that the “sensor” that tripped the warning light was defective and they did not have the part to replace it. They assured us the car was running perfectly and to have the part changed once we arrived in Las Vegas (we still have not by the way!).

Back in the car we re-mapped our escape route and since we were now on the east side of the county we opted for I95 to the Cross Bronx Expressway, to the GW Bridge. Simple! Straightforward! Efficient! Except we did not factor in that this was a Friday afternoon (now about 3:30 PM) in New York City.

New York traffic is so bad that the radio routinely does not report traffic snarls that are routine and normal – translation, anything that happens on the Cross Bronx Expressway! From where we started this leg of our trip to the New Jersey side of the GW bridge is 5 or 6 miles at the most. At 6:30 PM (3 hours later) we were crossing the Hudson River and already exhausted. That’s RED traffic on Google Maps and I sincerely do not miss that kind of New York Traffic at all.

Fast Food : First things first. I am not a big fan of fast food. I will eat an occasional Kentucky Fried Chicken meal and I find myself at MacDonalds far more often than I’d like. Fast food has its place in our society – something to eat when you need to get it FAST.

Somehow the “fast” part of fast food has been lost at many venues in LV as opposed to New York where you can get a hot dog or a gourmet meal from a food truck in a split second! The idea of having food ready to serve at the request of a diner involves having the food you are selling already prepared or very close to being prepared. I’m sure that at the end of the day many fast food establishments that do all of this the correct way have a certain amount of waste to deal with – prepared food waiting to be bought but no one bought it! My guess is that many Las Vegas fast food establishments are attempting to cut down on this sort of waste. However, in doing so they eliminate the essence of “fast.”

At a local casino that my wife and I frequent there are a number of decent sit down restaurants and a small food court. Food courts are designed for fast food, right? Not so fast. Of the Dairy Queen, Nathan’s,  Capriotti’s, Panda Express, Rubio’s and Johnny Rocket’s there, the only one that has food ready and waiting is the Panda Express and often the display trays are down to the bottom and you have to wait for another batch to be prepared.

 Nathan’s hotdogs? Waiting on the cold side of the grill for a customer. Fries? That’ll take 3 – 5 minutes in the deep fryer. A burger? You are looking at a good 10-15 minute wait!

What I’m saying is if I lower my standards enough to order fast food, I at least expect it to be fast. Think again in Las Vegas. I miss New York fast food.

 Poker Update : I am relieved that I came to Las Vegas to retire, and not to attempt to make a living playing poker. If I had tried surviving on poker by now I’d be holding a sign on the corner advertising my willingness to work for food!

 I have finished first in a small online tournament which paid about 20x my buy in. That was very satisfying. On the other hand I have gone out of similar tournaments on the bubble twice! That’s heart wrenching.

Live play is not going well. No tournament cashes in about 6 attempts and 2 out of about 10 winning seats at cash games. I’m not ready to give up yet although I am tightening up my play a good deal. Thankfully I enjoy playing and I am not losing the farm!

Time will tell.

Miss and Don’t Miss #1

It’s going on two months that we have been here in the desert following our week long drive across country. We do not regret the move. In spite of the record breaking heat we had in June we are on the road to becoming Las Vegans (Vegans? – we are certainly not giving up meat! Las Vegians?).

There are, however, things that I miss about the east in general and the New York Metropolitan area in particular.

Pizza (and by extension BREAD)– The number of pizza places in the Las Vegas area advertising themselves as “New York Pizza” establishments is astounding. I attribute this advertising gimmick to pandering to the easterner’s need for good pizza. Some of the ones I have tried are passable, as in edible, but something’s missing. I have eaten decent crust, middling mozzarella, and tolerable sauce rarely if ever all on the same slice. Years ago when I first starting coming to Vegas as a tourist, not even this level of average excellence was available so kudos to those who are trying. My latest thinking is that the NY “environment” is missing and no one can transport that here or anywhere. Rarely are there lines of people queued up for slices and cokes even at lunch time. Never thus far has there been yelling, pushing, jockeying for better places in line or mean, threatening looks from those behind the counter. Rarely have I been told that a “pie is coming out soon,” first of all because they never call pizza “pie.” Secondly, because there is seldom enough business for anyone to be in a rush so spare slices are always waiting. 

Also, pizza joints in Las Vegas are really into “toppings.” Aside from a sausage, pepperoni, or mushrooms slice here and there, New Yorkers are content with what is called the “cheese slice” here in Vegas as if you can have a slice of pizza without cheese. Here the menu of toppings includes all those available in NY with the addition of exotic extras like pineapple and avocado. “Gimme a break!!! Pineapple pizza? I’ll never get used to that.

My best guess though is that there is more wrong with desert pizza at the foundation level than anywhere else, which brings me to bread! There ae so many kinds of exceptional, breath-taking, scrumptious breads in the New York area that the old saw, “Man does not live by bread alone,” is way off base. In New York you CAN live by bread alone – maybe a little olive oil or butter too but that’s plenty. So if it’s difficult to get good bread here it’s not because there isn’t any good flour – there’s lots of it and it grows closer to Vegas than it does to NY. Believe me, I drove passed all those amber waves of grain on my way out here. The problem with bread here is water. Not only do we have lousy water in Las Vegas but the issue is magnified by the fact that New York City and its environs have world class water. The city we lived in, Mount Vernon, had its water judged the best in New York State multiple times. So, I’m spoiled. And, this all runs down hill – lousy water, lousy dough; lousy dough lousy pizza. I’ll live with this situation but I still miss NY pizza.

Humidity – Hate it with a passion and I do not miss it at all. Give me humidity under 20% any day of the week and you can jack the temperature up as high as you want.

If I understand humidity correctly, 100% humidity means wet, right – wet like raining, or submerged in the ocean, or doused with a hose. I don’t think there is anything like 100%+ humidity. 100% is the limit and anything close to that yields buckets of sweat and oodles of discomfort. This week, while it has been a tolerable 111 degrees Fahrenheit with about 15% humidity in Las Vegas, it has been in the 90s in New York with humidity of 80% as well. Brutal! That’s stay indoors weather, not just to get cool in the AC, but so as not to die on the street from heat stroke. 

And if you really want to thank your lucky stars that you are in the desert instead of the east coast, think of those poor devils in Orlando or Miami, Florida. Daily, this time of year, they are treated to 90+/90+ situations. Icky! Sticky! Goo!

God bless Las Vegas.

Poker – Although I am not doing as well as I hope to do in the near future, especially online, I relish the fact that in Las Vegas adults are treated like adults and “allowed” to play games of chance (skill too!) like poker whenever the hell they please. It’s my money. I earned it and if I want to put it at risk on a card table that’s my business, not the state government’s. Wake up New York. Let them play!!!

More later.